Mother's Day musings

Well, I'm a little behind with blog updates as we were out of town on an impromptu trip to Atlanta. Since my last post, I celebrated my first Mother's Day. While the day was pretty uneventful overall (we were in the car for much of it), it was a beautiful, meaningful day with my family and caused me to reflect a bit on this whole motherhood gig. It's still early in the game for me so I certainly don't have it all figured out (do you ever, really?), but here is what I know so far:

1) I am doing what I was meant to do. That may sound simple, but for me it was quite a profound discovery. I would say that motherhood is the closest thing I've found to a "calling." I ALWAYS knew I wanted children. It was never a question of career OR family. I knew that I would be a mother and never once thought about skipping that part of life. What I didn't know is just how right it would feel. Even on the most hellish of days, I am at peace in this role. I am supposed to do this.

2) This is, by far, the most challenging job I've ever had. The responsiblities are huge, the stakes are high, the hours are literally endless, the expectations are often impossible to meet and the boss can be quite demanding and moody! And although I'm never quite sure if I met the day's goals, I always feel good about the future direction of the company and feel that my job is quite secure.

3) I've heard many people say that motherhood is a selfless process. I disagree. I think this gig involves a whole lot of self-discovery, self-regulation and self-actualization. My SELF is still quite in need of attention. I anticipate that one of the biggest challenges of motherhood will be to manage my projections and not put my "stuff" on my children. I see that a crucial component of handling this is to recognize that I am still an individual person, outside my role as mother, and that I still have wants, needs, dreams and much room to grow, mature and learn. It is still my responsibility to carry all of that so it is important to not lose mySELF along the way. I have my own row to hoe. Owen will have his.

4) I have so much to be thankful for. Is my life perfect? Certainly not! Do I doubt my decisions and choices and wonder if I'm doing the right thing? All the time. Is our home one big happy love-fest every minute of every day? Ha-ha! Yeah, right. But, I have a wonderful husband who loves me even with all of my bangs and bruises and even when I make big mistakes. I admire him, respect him and love him without question. As Martha would say, "It's a good thing." Our son is a happy, healthy, thriving boy who brings much joy to our family and is a reflection of the strong bond that we worked to build before bringing him into this world. For all of this, I am grateful.

So, this is where I stand in the wake of my first Mother's Day. My views may change. In fact, they probably will change many times. But it doesn't devalue these current sentiments in any way. This is me as mother right now. And, right now, all is good.

Happy Mother's Day to me.